With easy access to YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram and other social platforms, it is easy to fall into the trap of social comparison. We fall into a state of sadness from seeing everyone else living a life that seems way easier than our own.
But what we don’t see is the struggles they have, the tears they have shed, the depression they went through, the hours of hard work and dedication they put in, the failures they encountered, the addictions they struggle with and the pain they have endured.
And if we knew the truth or the behind the scenes, we probably wouldn’t feel so envious, so jealous and so down on ourselves. While it is okay to acknowledge that some people are further along in an area we would like to get ahead, that reality should not make us feel bad about ourselves.
If we find ourselves constantly beating ourselves up or feeling stuck because of lack of confidence and belief in ourselves, we should do this:
- Limit our time on social media. If social media is a trigger for you and causes you to spiral into a depression or makes you feel like a failure, then the less time you spend on social media the better. I know how addicting social media can be. Scrolling can become a bad habit when it is not controlled properly. So we must be careful and monitor how much valuable time we are spending scrolling and watching random videos. It is really like any other drug and it feels good at the moment, but afterwards, guilt, depression, shame and jealousy will get the best of us. So how can we stop scrolling and stop falling into the trap?
- SET A TIME LIMIT: We can set a time limit on our phone for 10-15 minutes, and when the time is up, we move onto something else.
- Find a replacement behavior: When we go to pick up our phone and go on social media, we can pick up a book instead or have some other positive, healthy habit ready.
- Delete apps off your phone and replace them with positive mental health apps: We can also delete all apps off of our phone! This tip will help a lot because when we have quick, easy access, we are more likely to go on the app more often and use it for longer periods of time.
- Go on a social media fast: So I am not going to say – just stop using social media altogether. I know that is not realistic or reasonable. But maybe just go on a fast and one or two days a week, we should decide to go completely social media free!
- Turn off notifications: I just recently did this but wish I would have done it sooner. I realized that every time a notification got sent to my phone, it would trigger me to look at it and read it, which meant I was picking up my phone way more often than I do now. Without pointless notifications trying to grab my attention, I have been picking up my phone less, which decreases the likelihood of pointless, mindless scrolling. If you have an iPhone, you can go to Settings > Notifications > Notification Style > within each app, you can turn off the button next to “allow notifications”! Highly recommend this!
- Find things to be grateful for:
Focusing on everything that is wrong about you or wrong in your life, will often cause depression and anxiety. But when we try to see the positive and focus on what we are grateful for, then we begin to feel better about ourselves and our lives. Not everything will always go right, but not everything is always going wrong either. Maybe your relationship is falling apart, but maybe you still have family and friends who care about you. Maybe you lost your job, but now you have more time to work on your real goals and passions. I know how hard it is to be grateful and thankful when things are not going great, but avoiding the downward spiral of feeling defeated can be a confidence booster.
- Find a support group, local church and/or find friends who are encouraging.
Bad company ruins good character (1 Corinthians 15:33). Who we associate ourselves with can have a huge impact on our mental health and feelings about ourselves. It is important to be around people who are confident, who are encouraging, who are supportive and who lift you up when you are down or discouraged. If you are around people with low self-esteem and they always seem to find something to complain about, you will likely take on these feelings as well. Have you ever heard the saying, “You are who you hang around”. It is very true in most cases. Have you ever realized that you started saying words or phrases that you never said before but simply because you hear it all of the time? For example, I grew up in NY and I am not from the South at all. But I started binge watching the show “outdaughtered” and so often Danielle and Adam Busby will say, “No ma’am” to their kids when they are getting into trouble. I never ever used the term ma’am, but of course, one day, I caught myself saying it. Now that is not such a bad habit to pick up, but when you are around sad, unconfident, depressed, unmotivated, and unproductive people, those become bad character traits that you surely don’t want to pick up.